I don't know.: Good night, 2020.

Good night, 2020 - what to say about a year like you?

Warning: it’s a long one.

I’ll clarify from the outset that I am so aware of the incredible luck and privilege that I have experienced over the last twelve months. My experience is one that has largely escaped the worst human and economic consequences of the pandemic, and I have also had the fortune of having strong support networks around me (even if not always physically close) to navigate the challenges it has presented.

And so when I share how grateful I am for the journey it has taken me on, I do so knowing that it is not because I have had a unique wisdom or strength beyond those who have suffered so much this year; I have simply been lucky beyond words to have had enough safety and stability in my world to find space to grow from its challenges.

Thank you 2020 for bringing me the people I loved when I needed them most, but also for forcing me to grow and find my own path in the months of separation that I never would have thought I could tolerate.

Thank you for the first post-lockdown climbs, for the long-awaited coffee dates, for the walks, for new friends, for old friends, for finally touching rock in NSW, for passing exams through what could only be administrative error, and for teaching me how peace can be found in accepting and walking towards feared scenarios, rather than fighting the possibility they may occur.

I never could have predicted that the deconstruction of my world that threw me into such despair in March would be what eventually liberated me from the anxiety of trying to keep it held together.

But all this said - never before have I felt so blessed to spend New Years Eve sitting with friends sharing sunset climbs, wine, cheese and a beautiful view. If 2020 has taught me anything, it is that 2021 does not owe us anything - but I am optimistic we have every reason to bring it our hope.