Breath

You never took a breath.

You were the first I saw enter this world; and the breath you never took has been the same breath I hold in the moments life tests the extent of my presumptions and that I wish to take for granted. 

The same breath that I hold as I scan for a fetal heart that was unable to be found with the bedside doppler.

The breath held awaiting the realisation of joy and relief on a worried face. 

Your breath; that I hold in the moment time stands still following the delivery of difficult news.

The same breath that holds me, in the moments I am paralysed by the fear of the worst outcomes that my human error could deliver. 

A borrowed breath full of air so heavy my lungs hurt; slowly exhaled to a universe that had never noticed its absence.